


Ye Old Codpiece Shoppe

by Julieoftarth (Wherethereissmoak)



Category: Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, Jaime's Awkward Boner June Fest, Renaissance Faires
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-14
Updated: 2018-06-14
Packaged: 2019-05-23 09:16:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,700
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14931464
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wherethereissmoak/pseuds/Julieoftarth
Summary: Jaime's family is one of the corporate sponsors for the local renaissance faire. He has a little...problem...when he sees a lady knight in action.





	Ye Old Codpiece Shoppe

**Author's Note:**

> Here is my submission for Jaime Awkward Boner month. I hope you enjoy it. I will definitely write more in this universe once I wrap some of my other stuff up.

Jaime scratched his neck once more. The material of this costume made him itch. And he looked ridiculous.

“Tell me again why we are doing this,” he asked his brother, who looked as if he was enjoying himself in the period costume he had donned.

“Because Lannister Inc. is one of the biggest corporate sponsors of this renaissance festival. It the biggest event on this side of town every year and father wanted us to participate for PR purposes,” Tyrion explained.

“I feel like an idiot,” he grumbled.

Tyrion handed weird cloth hat. “Here, add this to complete the look.”

“I’m not wearing that.”

Tyrion sighed. “You already refused to wear a codpiece, need I remind you? A hat isn’t too much, compared to that.”

Jaime scowled at him.

Tyrion just laughed. “Come on, it’s for the kids. They’ve had a tough couple of months.”

Jaime glanced over at Tommen and Myrcella, who were giggling at a pirate entertainer who had a parrot puppet on his shoulder.

He sighed. “Fine, but I will never put on a cod piece.”

Tyrion grinned when Jaime donned the floppy hat. “Fair enough, brother.”

They wandered the faire for most of the morning. Jaime wanted to spend way too much time in the sword shop. With all his swordfighting lessons lately, he now considered himself somewhat of an expert. He spent a lot of money on a beautiful Valyrian steel weapon with a lion at the hilt. “Oathkeeper,” the blacksmith had called it. Of course, because he had the funds, he bought the sword’s twin as well.

Tyrion laughed when Jaime strapped one of the swords around his waist. “Now you are getting into the spirit.”

The group took in some of the minstrel shows, and Jaime bought his niece a flower wreath for her hair. For lunch, they dined on turkey legs. He smiled when he saw how much the children were enjoying themselves. He hated to admit it, but he was too. Especially when they entered the arena where there would be a knight’s tournament.

Jaime had been fascinated by this type of thing – knights, honor, sword play, jousting, etc. since he was a little boy. He had even started training with the school’s tournament team when he was in junior high, but his father put a stop to it after a few years, telling him it was time to stop such “foolish” pursuits and that he had to join the young business leaders club instead.

It wasn’t until a year ago that he started taking sparring lessons again. After an injury cost him his right hand, he needed an activity to not only build strength in his left arm, but restore some confidence and a sense of purpose. He got a lot of his anger over his accident, his father’s controlling attitude and his sister’s insanity in the sparring ring.

Most of the knights that competed in the ren faire arena were very skilled. And they certainly knew how to play it up for the crowd. Ser Loras and Ser Bronn were the most outgoing, getting the side of the arena that was supposed to be rooting for them really worked up into a fervor of cheering.

The best knight on the field, in Jaime’s opinion, had no stage presence whatsoever. He kept his helmet and face shield on the entire time. He didn’t utter a word, merely raising a fist in respect when riding out and bowing to the “king” in charge of the tourney.

But Jaime decided the knight didn’t need to be outgoing, because he quickly became the favorite due to the amazing skill. The knight in gold armor quickly took out all his opponents, knocking them flat on each run in the joust.

It was in the melee, however, where the knight truly showed his skill. Jaime watched in awe at the moves he had only just begun learning were executed so smoothly and perfectly, taking out the other knights one by one. He didn’t know who the knight was, but he hoped to use his Lannister influence to get at least a few sparring lessons from the knight before ren faire was over in a month.

After the knight in gold won the tourney, he approached the king to receive his praise. The entire audience gasped in surprise, and then burst into applause when the knight removed her helm and revealed herself a woman.

Jaime sat there in shock, staring at the magnificent creature before him.

Sure, her face was nothing to get excited over, but her physique…damn she was strong. He had never seen anyone like her before and he wanted to know more. He wanted to know what was under that armor. The toned muscles she must have… And the way she ground all those men to dust on the field. He tried to imagine sparring with her, their sweat and heavy breathing intermixing.

“Ugh Jaime…” Tyrion’s voice interrupted his very pleasant thoughts.

“What?” he asked angrily.

“Those tight renaissance breeches do not hide your…er…condition,” Tyrion said with a laugh.

Jaime looked down to see an erection prominently tenting the fabric of his costume. He quickly grabbed his floppy hat off his head and covered it the best he could.

“Um, can you take the kids and explore the faire more while I sit here until my…problem goes away?”

Tyrion grinned. “Sure, but you may want to stop by the costume shop and pick up a codpiece after all, in case this happens again. It’s good for hiding such things. How do you think I’ve survived all day with these wenches walking around with barely a stitch covering their breasts?”

Jaime shook his head at his brother. “You’re disgusting. Now leave me to my misery.”

Tyrion left him with a laugh. Jaime sat as the tournament stadium cleared and the “squires” cleared the field and readied it for the next show in a couple hours.

Jaime’s erection had finally started to go down when he heard a voice next to him. “You’re not supposed to be here.”

He looked up to see his magnificent knight towering over him. Gods, he would not be able to leave this seat all day.

“I’m just relaxing a bit, renaissance faire is exhausting,” Jaime explained.

“Probably for those who sit behind a desk all day, I’m sure. Those of us who work for a living are the ones who seldom get the time for a break,” the knight scowled at him.

Her scowl made her face even less attractive, but Jaime was too busy looking at her sapphire eyes. They were astonishing. Yep, he would be permanently glued to this seat with his hat over his lap until nightfall.

“What are you staring at? Didn’t you get your fill of gawking at me during the tournament?”

Jaime for the first time in his life blushed. He had indeed been gawking at her, but probably not for the reasons she thought, if her scowl was any indication.

“My apologies milady,” he said. “I did not mean to stare.”

She seemed momentarily surprised by his apology, but then slumped her shoulders in defeat.

“All my life men have been gawking and sneering at me for my size, my looks. And all my life I’ve been knocking them in the dust,” she said proudly.

Jaime smiled at her. “And you do it so well.”

The knight stared at him for a moment, as if she didn’t know what to make of him.

“Why are you still here?”

Jaime blushed again, gods what was wrong with him? He didn’t know how to answer her. Then she caught sight of the hat on his lap, her eyes widening in understanding. Then they narrowed in annoyance. Jaime could not possibly be more embarrassed.

Brienne sighed. “Don’t worry about it, the renaissance wenches have that effect on a lot of men.”

“Er, yeah…the wenches,” Jaime said. Especially wenches in armor with astonishing blue eyes.

Eager to change the subject, Jaime asked if she offered sparring lessons.

“I do not have time to teach lazy business men how to hold a sword,” she said with a scowl. Gods, she was a strong fighter and she had a mouth on her. He was toast.

“I will make it worth your while, financially speaking. Plus, my family is sponsoring this whole thing, so it will be good for the faire’s PR, which will probably make you look good in the eyes of your bosses, and that king you were making googly eyes over,” he said with a grin.

“I was not making googly eyes,” she protested. “Renly is just…nice.”

“But he’s not your type, and you are not his,” he said.

“Because I’m ugly,” she stated matter-of-factly.

Jaime shook his head. “No, because he was staring at one of the knights you trounced, Ser Loras, I believe, like he was a savory pie.”

Brienne scowled at him even more.

“Come on wench, just a few lessons,” Jaime begged.

“I’m not a wench,” she argued.

“Well I don’t know your name, so then I guess it will be milady? Ser Milady? Ser Wench? That has a nice ring to it,” Jaime teased.

“I’m no lady. It’s Brienne,” she said.

“Well then Ser Milady Wench Brienne, please give me some sparring lessons. Do it a poor cripple,” he said, raising his injured arm. Jaime was not above playing the sympathy card. It worked. She must not have noticed his handicap before, but he was thankful that she didn’t make a big deal of showing him

“Fine, but you have to be here at dawn every day. And at the slightest hint of laziness and you are out on your ass,” she said, before turning and stomping away.

“Whatever you say Ser Milady Wench!”

“And stop calling me that!” She shouted as she excited the arena. Jaime couldn’t help but laugh. This was going to be fun.

He couldn’t wait to start his lessons with her, but he knew sparring with his wench was only going to make his problem worse. He should visit Ye Old Codpiece Shoppe first, so he didn’t embarrass himself further.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you liked it! More to come in this world, I promise. I definitely want to see those sparring lessons, and the angst that will come when it is time for Ren Faire to be over and Brienne has to move on to the next place on the tour. Can he live without his Ser Milady Wench?


End file.
